Rex Parker Does the NYT Crossword Puzzle

Constructor: David Alfred Bywaters

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium (9:23)

THEME:"Labor Contract(ion)s"— familiar phrases have the letter string "ion" either added or taken away, i.e. they are either ion-ized orUNIONIZED (70A: Like some factories ... or, in a different sense, like 90-, 109- and 119-Across (but not 24-, 32- and 53-Across)?)

Theme answers:

WITH ONE ACCORDION (24A: How polka bands get their start?)
PAPAL BULLION (32A: Pontiff's gold treasure?)
IS THAT A FACTION? (53A: Query about the Freedom Caucus or Berniecrats?)
MISS IMPOSSIBLE (90A: Nickname for a hard-to-please girl?)
FILLING STATS (109A: Data maintained by competitive dentists?)
RHETORICAL QUEST (119A: Speakers' searches for just the right words?)

Word of the Day: PASCAL'S WAGER (4D: Philosophical argument for belief in God) —

noun
PHILOSOPHY
unpunctuated: Pascals wager
the argument that it is in one's own best interest to behave as if God exists, since the possibility of eternal punishment in hell outweighs any advantage of believing otherwise. (google)

• • •

So weird. First, extremely weird to give away the theme in the title. You'd think "Labor Contractions" would be fine, but to go ahead and parenthesize the "ion," what the hell? This isn't preschool. Let the people figure stuff out on their own. Second, this theme doesn't know what it's doing. It's trying to do two things and it ends up doing nothing very interesting. IONIZED is really the operative word. Certain words are IONIZED, in that they have "ION" added to them—a gimmick that is not at all interesting, but is at least consistent. But this revealer adds a new bit of wordplay to the mix by giving us UNIONIZED, a real word that is also, now, the fake (is it fake?) word UN-IONIZED, or de-ionized (if that's a word, which, who knows?). So the UNIONIZED words are the ones that ... (does the double negative math) ... don't ... have the ION. And then the others are the others. And after all of that, you're left with wacky phrases that aren't very funny, and a mostly run-of-the-mill grid that is rather heavy on the old-skool crosswordese (Et tu, ATTU!?). Can you do something with multiple accords? That base phrase seemed off. It seems like such a basic theme should've yielded tons and tons of possible answers, some of which surely must be funnier, or have funnier cluing possibilities, than any of these. Really like CLICKBAIT, and (even though I've never heard of it) PASCAL'S WAGER, but even something interesting like STAGE MOTHERS seems fumbled ("stage moms" is the phrase I know). It's not that the answer is invalid, it just doesn't ... pop. It's OK. It DIDOK. Unlike DRACONIC, which didn't do anywhere near OK (the word is DRACONIAN— it's IANIZED) (38D: Unduly harsh)!

Jeez louise in what world am I supposed to know the first name of the guy who invented Pong!? This one, apparently, but what a hellaciously stupid clue for Edgar Poe's middle name. The puzzle was mostly very easy, but I got slowed right down there toward the end, in the SW, when I couldn't get COMELIER to save my life, despite knowing very well what "pulchritudinous" means. Starts with "C" ... no idea. None. Perhaps because, like many things in this grid, No One Says This. I also botched the AMIE answer because ... the grid was already so crosswordesey that my brain somehow thought this clue was to do with "ABIE's Irish Rose," which ... look, I'm not going to go in to it, for fear of waking that answer from the dead, but it was a thing that used to appear in crosswords. Maybe my brain thought "ABIE's Irish Beau"? Dunno. Also, the SAMANTHA clue is garbage (91D: Bee, e.g.), in that you would never clue KANYE [West, e.g.] or WILL [Smith, e.g.]. Write a damn clue, for bee's sake!

On a technical level, you can see how theme answer placement gets the constructor into trouble in the south, where themers end up requiring a four-letter word that both starts and ends with "I"—unlikely. Choices are exceedingly limited right off the bat. So we get crosswordese, INRI, and also crosswordese STENO and crosswordese ASTI, and then this weird answer DOSO.

Let's see, what else? I had MARROW before YARROW, probably because my brain thought I was writing MALLOW (that's a plant, right?) (105D: Flowering herb also known as devil's nettle). In case you didn't know, HERA lost a beauty contest in which there were two other contestants: Athena and Aphrodite. Paris was the judge and he chose Aphrodite, for which he was "rewarded" with Helen, and the rest is ancient history (namely, the Trojan War). OK, enough with the mythology lessons—Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

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Constructor: Brendan Emmett Quigley

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium (2:54)

THEME: HITCHING A RIDE (55A: Getting picked up by the side of the road ... or what 20-, 30- and 39-Across are literally doing?)— the letter string "RIDE" is ... hitching together two words, i.e. it's spread across the words in a two-word phrase:

Theme answers:

HYBRID ENGINES (20A: Features of some eco-friendly vehicles)
KALAHARI DESERT (30A: Dry region covering most of Botswana)
GENDER IDENTITY (39A: It may or may not correspond with one's birth sex)

Word of the Day: VIMEO (52D: Alternative to YouTube) —

Vimeo (/ˈvɪmioʊ/) is a video-sharing website in which users can upload, share and view videos. It was the first video sharing site to support high-definition video. Vimeo was founded in November 2004 by Jake Lodwick and Zach Klein. It focuses on short films and movies sold with Vimeo On Demand. (wikipedia)

• • •

Nice grid overall, despite the HORSEMEAT (WHY?!? Why would you give That much real estate to That answer?). I don't think the revealer really works, though. You hitch one thing to another thing, but here, RIDE *is* the hitch, so saying that the answers are "literally"HITCHING A RIDE seems off. Wobbly at best. Also—and this is admittedly irrational—something is bugging me about ALI and IKE running through ALIKE. Like ... (!) ... both three-letter answers precisely intersect their identical three-letter strings inside of ALIKE. I mean, it's not bugging me as much as HORSEMEAT (dear lord, why?), but it's weird. It's distracting me. It looks like some kind of theme trick. But it's ... not. Another thing, about VIMEO—so, I am aware of this site and thus did not trip over it at all. Still, it feels weirdly marginal and gratuitous to me. Gratuitous VIMEO. It's a B-team video-sharing site, and a proper noun of no great fame, and it's not like this corner Needed it in order to be good. I mean, you've got ADMEN in there. No one likes ADMEN. I think you get more mileage out of VIDEO (or any actual word). Tear that corner out. I get you want to be Now and Hip or whatever, but no puzzle is improved by VIMEO. Fine when you need it, but if you absolutely don't, no point to it. Go with a more interestingly clueable word, every time.

Oh, hey, did I mention I love the clue on GENDER IDENTITY (39A: It may or may not correspond with one's birth sex). NYT often fumbles this kind of thing, but this is pretty spot-on.

I might've been ten seconds or so faster, but I ran into issues in the south. Sometimes, problems are entirely a function of the direction from which you come at a section. In this case, I came into the southern section from the east, dropped GREY down (56D: ___ Poupon mustard), and then tried to get 65A: In a pouty mood off just the terminal "Y." I wrote in MOPEY. That's pretty much the story of that section. Between that error and all the semi-odd five-letter Downs (who is NICOL Williamson? No, really...), and BY CAR :( :( :( I had a minor mess on my hands. But it's Monday and I got upright again pretty quickly. Managed to come in under three for the first time in almost two months. I expect my speed skills to slip as I age, but not so fast.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. I looked up NICOL Williamson and nope. Been solving nearly 28 years and never heard of him, never seen him. And here he (he!) is. On a Monday. Bizarre.

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Constructor: Bruce Haight

Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging (for a Tuesday) (3:57)

THEME: "O TANNENBAUM" (57A: Seasonal song with a hint to the last words in 178-, 25-, 37- and 45-Across) — all the last words are things you would use to decorate a Christmas tree ... because "tannenbaum" means "Christmas tree" ... ?

Theme answers:

JUDY GARLAND (17A: First female recipient of the Cecil B. DeMille lifetime achievement award in film)
SUGAR CANE (25A: Major crop of Brazil)
LOS ANGELES ANGEL (just one?) (37A: California baseball pro)
MOVIE STAR (45A: Washington, Jackson or Ford)

Word of the Day: SAMMY Cahn (32A: Lyricist Cahn who wrote "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!") —

Sammy Cahn (June 18, 1913 – January 15, 1993) was an American lyricist, songwriter and musician. He is best known for his romantic lyrics to films and Broadway songs, as well as stand-alone songs premiered by recording companies in the Greater Los Angeles Area. He and his collaborators had a series of hit recordings with Frank Sinatraduring the singer's tenure at Capitol Records, but also enjoyed hits with Dean Martin, Doris Day and many others. He played the piano and violin. He won the Academy Award four times for his songs, including the popular song "Three Coins in the Fountain".
Among his most enduring songs is "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!", cowritten with Jule Styne in 1945. (wikipedia)

• • •

Here's all you need to know about why this theme is a total failure: there is literally nothing in "O TANNENBAUM" about trimming the tree. It's all about the tree. But there are no garlands (????? I have never seen that word used in conjunction with tree decoration), no canes (just ... canes???), no angels or stars. There seems to be something in there about candles, but ... I just don't understand. I don't understand how anyone makes this, and I definitely don't understand how anyone decides to publish it. It's genuinely miserable, at the theme level, and at the fill level. Who is getting joy from AGAR PLATE? (34D: Lab culture site) Could there be a clumsier, awkwarder, whiter, more "hello, fellow youths!" clue than [Here, as derived from hip-hop slang] for IN DA HOUSE? I choke-laughed on that one. I think you have to read that clue with your nerdiest voice while also pushing your glasses back up your nose. All I wanted (for XMAS) was a nice little puzzle. Didn't need to be stellar. Didn't need to burn da (!) house down. Just something sweet and tidy, with lights and maybe some presents underneath. But AH, OK, I get ROUES and ATTA and HEHS (plural!? On XMAS? I know I haven't been perfect but HEHS is worse than coal) and so much other abuse. Also, "film buffs" watch TCM, not not not not not not not not TMC. Stop cluing TMC this way. No one watches TMC.

ERMA ERTE ALA ARLO, EDNA? ISPOSE!!!! This puzzle is a crime. This puzzle called a 7-year-old kid on the phone and told her Santa doesn't exist. The "best puzzle in the world" has no business being this bad on any day, let alone XMAS day. BAH, for sure. Took me way longer than it should have because of the truly terrible clue on LOANS (42A: Prerequisites for some college students). No one but no one has ever referred to a loan as a prerequisite. Just junk. Also, I dumbly wrote in ALTO off the AL- at 50A: Range for yodelers (ALPS). And I wrote in VERVE instead of VIGOR (47D: Pep). Also didn't really get what the clue was going for at ARMS (26D: Navy and Air Force vis-à-vis the military). An unnecessarily awkward clue. And somehow, almost 30 years into my solving career, I balked at the correct spelling of ERMA (43A: Funny Bombeck). Did an IRMA / ICH thing there for a second before correcting to ERMA / EIN.

May your day be merrier and brighter than this puzzle. I'm gonna go watch "Meet John Doe"—the original (1941), w/ Gary Cooper and Barbara Stanwyck. On TCM!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

P.S. we've now seen OYS (57D: Yiddish laments) three times in eight days!!! I ... that's ... why? It appeared just once in all of 2017.

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Constructor: Howard Barkin

Relative difficulty: Easy (Easy-Medium by the clock, but I have Holiday Hangover—mostly non-alcoholic, but still... it's clearly affecting my brain and hand agility) (3:52)

THEME: Actors who *should've* been in movies... — all clues start [Movie that really should have featured...] followed by an actor's name, which seems fitting given the movie's title:

Theme answers:

"ROBIN HOOD" (Movie that really should have featured Anne Archer?)
"ANIMAL HOUSE" (Movie that really should have featured Nicolas Cage?)
"FANTASTIC VOYAGE" (Movie that really should have featured Tom Cruise?)
"BEETLEJUICE" (Movie that really should have featured Vin Diesel?)
"SPIDER-MAN" (Movie that really should have featured Sigourney Weaver?)

Word of the Day: JESSE Williams (53D: Williams of "Grey's Anatomy") —

Jesse Wesley Williams (born August 5, 1981) is an American actor, director, producer and activist, best known for his role as Jackson Avery on the ABC series Grey's Anatomy. He has also appeared in the films The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (2008), Brooklyn's Finest (2009), The Cabin in the Woods (2012) and as James Lawson in The Butler (2013). He provided voice acting and motion capture for the character Markus in the video game Detroit: Become Human (2018). (wikipedia)

• • •

Well, this was the first time I've ever had a puzzle spoiled for me because the constructor sent me a letter of apology. I've known Howard for a long time, so it was not (I hope) an earnest apology. But since I lit into ADULTING several days ago, saying it was the world's worst word and needed to crawl away and die (or words to that effect), Howard wanted to get out ahead of my inevitable gripe-storm. I actually think the reADULTINGening of the puzzle is more funny than anything else. The thing is ... it remains a valid term. I despise it, but I can't very well say it's pejorative, or offensive (except to my sensibilities). Grown-ups wanna use language to infantilize themselves, I can't stop them (sadly). So now y'all know my Kryptonite. It's ADULTING. Put it in all your puzzles if you want to irritate me. I'm powerless to stop you.

As for the theme, I think this is awfully clever. Do Beetles run on diesel? I did not know that. But I think all the themers work well, ROBIN HOOD is in fact an "archer," a "cage" is a kind of ANIMAL HOUSE, and if you're lucky, your "cruise" will end up being a FANTASTIC VOYAGE. It's a good theme concept with a fine execution. Is Anne Archer as famous to others as she is to me? I know precisely who she is, but I feel like maybe she's slightly-to-a-lot less well known than the others. I always think of her as the "why would you sleep with the insane bunny-killer lady when your actual wife is so gorgeous and wonderful" character in "Fatal Attraction." Whereas I don't know if I've ever seen a Vin Diesel movie. No, seriously. He's been in like 38 "Fast and Furious" movies, right? He's just out of my cinematic area code is all. But then so is JESSE Williams. Never heard of him. Looked him up and was like "oh he's very familiar." But I've never seen a second of "Grey's Anatomy," so ... I'm vaguely aware of a handful of actors who have been on that show. But his name didn't register. And yet YANNI, tick, TOMEI, tick, REESE, tick ... even NAOMI Osaka somehow came back to me (she beat Serena in that U.S. Open victory, which was the main reason I was paying attention). OK I have to go drink coffee and stare at my beautiful Christmas tree. I enjoyed this puzzle. Happy Boxing Day.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Constructor:Mary Lou Guizzo and Jeff Chen

Relative difficulty:Challenging (feels like it shouldn't have been this tough, but it took 5:30 over my fairly bloated Thursday average) (17:24)

THEME: THEME— Contrails— Grid has the shape of a jet flying from the SW to the NE, with contrails behind it. The letters CON are rebused in five squares, leaving a trail behind the plane. The black squares may also be a part of the contrail?

Theme answers:

AERIAL RE(CON) - (30A: Drone's job)
(CON)ES - (35A: Rods' partners)
EMOTI(CON) - (38A: One might have a wink or a smile)
(CON)TAINER - (44A: Tin or glass)
TELE(CON) - (46A: Business meeting that participants dial into, informally)
STYLE I(CON) - (20D: One frequently pictured in GQ or Vogue)
DE(CON) - (28D: Radiation cleanup, briefly)
(CON)EY ISLAND - (32D: Brooklyn attraction)
(CON)TRAIL - (40D: Follower of a plane ... or a hint to this puzzle's theme)
(CON)TROL - (47D: Dominate)

These two are also theme-ish, so I'm counting them:

SKY WRITER - (17A: Flier with a message)
JET STREAM - (10D: It's indicated by arrows on a map)

Word of the Day:ALAIN (50D: Author Locke of the Harlem Renaissance, the first African-American Rhodes Scholar (1907))

• • •

Hey-o, puzzlers. It's Morgan here, filling in again for Rex (third time's a charm). This is a *fabulous* way for me to kill an evening while visiting my husband's family in East Texas, so thanks for the opportunity. (UPDATE: because it's Texas, of course there was crazy weather (in this case a tornado warning) shortly after this post went live.)

As a general rule, I love a rebus. And I usually think I have a good eye for spotting them. Not this time! This one was *brutal* for me - clocking in substantially over my average time. The theme took me forever to get, but more than that I just never got any momentum at any point in the entire solving process. I slogged my way from the NE down the east coast, then finally grokked the theme with CONTRAIL (which, honestly, was the first thing I thought when I saw the grid, so I'm not sure what my problem was).

I wouldn't say there was anything I especially liked about this puzzle, but neither did I hate it. I think the grid strained a bit under the heavy theme density (10-12 themers, depending how you count), so there was more crosswordese and/or junk than I would usually prefer (e.g., NOWI, ARA, BASSI, TOALL, ITALO, EYED). And there really wasn't anything exciting in the whole puzzle - maybe SKYWRITER crossing JET STREAM, but honestly aside from this there wasn't anything very new.

A couple of the themers strike me as questionable. As a professor, I'm on a LOT of teleconferences/conference call/Webexes/video conferences, and I can't recall having heard someone call it a TELECON. I also don't love DECON for decontaminate. I do at least appreciate that the CON is short for something different in each answer (UPDATE: a commenter points out EMOTICON and STYLE ICON are of the same root, but I think they're different enough (one refers to computer ICON and one to the more celebrity-style ICON)).

Bullets:

ETNA— (5A: Mount whose name means, literally, "I burn"). Nice to have a new clue for a VERY old crossword standby.
WATCH TV — (21A: View remotely?). This is what I have been doing, without break, for approaching 72 hours. Because Mount Pleasant, Texas, y'all.
NAILS IT— (62A: Does something to a T). Have you watched Nailed It on Netflix yet? It's really a delightful and hilarious way to kill a half hour. Highly recommended.
CATAWBA— (1D: Carolina tribe that allied with the colonists in the American Revolution). I imagine a LOT of people struggled up here - the NW took me forever to break into.
MONTY — (51D: Hall of fame). This is probably my favorite clue in the puzzle. Shrug.

Signed, Morgan Polikoff, a Jew in Texas at Christmastime

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Constructor: David Steinberg

Relative difficulty: Medium (though w/ some potentially deadly Naticks* if your Name Game is not *tight*) (5:44)

THEME: none

Word of the Day: ALAIN RENÉ LESAGE (54A: "Gil Blas" author) —

Alain-René Lesage (French pronunciation: [alɛ̃ ʁəne ləsaʒ]; 6 May 1668 – 17 November 1747; older spelling Le Sage) was a French novelist and playwright. Lesage is best known for his comic novel The Devil upon Two Sticks (1707, Le Diable boiteux), his comedy Turcaret (1709), and his picaresque novel Gil Blas (1715–1735). (wikipedia)

• • •

Well this was just way too reliant on proper nouns, which can have the effect of either thrilling you ("woo hoo, I know it, look at me go!") or destroying you ("what... letter... who...?). Sometimes you get to experience both outcomes multiple times in the same puzzle, as I did today. I mean, my first solid answer (after LAG) was LUIS Severino, whom I know a large chunk of the solving population will never have heard of (a large chunk of the solving population is somewhat-to-very sports averse). So LUIS, and later RUY and NOTH and COTY were all on TeamRex and the top half was mostly joy and laughter (though what the hell with the clue on "GOING BACK TO CALI"!?!? If you say those four words to me, there is only one song I am going to start singing, and it ain't by Biggie...):

[I grew up in "CALI" and lived in "CALI" when this came out—clue shoulda been [1988 LL Cool J hit whose title lyric precedes "hmph, I don't think so"]

So yeah I'm doing all right. Master of Names! And then I hit that bottom stack and whoosh and whomp, there go the wheels. I know what Russian nesting dolls are, and now that I see it, I've definitely encountered MATRYOSHKA before, but man, while solving, I was like DOLLS and ... prayer. BABUSHKA DOLLS? No? Oh well. But those dolls are not criminal. Tough, but a fair thing to ask people to come up with on a Friday if crosses are fair. No, the real crime down there is ALAIN RENÉ LESAGE. The clue itself is a bleeping insult: 54A: "Gil Blas" author. Me: "Oh ... right ... he used to be crosswordese back when crossword fill was actually much more terrible because people didn't have databases to help them and they thought that just because a name had been used before you could use it again and so it proliferated like kudzu or MATRYOSHKA DOLLS or whatever ... that guy. What was his name?" No idea. None. I have a Ph.D. in literature—never encountered this guy. I took French for 7 years—never encountered this guy. I cannot overstate how singularly unimportant this guy is. He is reanimated crosswordese. Even knowing that I had seen his name before, I needed almost every single cross. Luckily for me, Bert CONVY was an old TV friend (47D: Host Bert of old game shows), so parsing the stupid French guy's name took less time than it might have. I don't know why you make a relatively lovely grid and then put in a section that is kind of gross, that will almost surely be the only thing anyone remembers. For its grossness.

Five things:

26D: "Je vous en ___" (French for "You're welcome") (PRIE) — speaking of "I took French for 7 years" ... totally forgot which PRIX went here :(
4D: Many employees of the Lego company (DANES) — this was absurdly hard. Makes sense now, but not while solving
23D: Highish bridge holding (TEN ACE) — I know absolutely nothing about bridge except the crosswordese. I felt guilty throwing this down so fast.
9D: Event of 1964 and 2020 (TOKYO GAMES) — This is some pretty serious green paint**. Any Olympic site + GAMES? RIOGAMES? LAGAMES? No. SUMMER GAMES, sure. SOCHIGAMES, uh uh
51A: New toy? (PUP) — tfw you get the "?" misdirection ... and still guess the wrong answer (PET)

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

*Natick = unfair crossing, usually of proper nouns (see sidebar for more info)
**Green paint = makeshift answer made up of words that one might say, but that don't really constitute a solid, stand-alone phrase

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Constructor: Robyn Weintraub

Relative difficulty: Easy (7:01, should've been Way faster)

THEME: none

Word of the Day: BAOBAB (28A: African tree with hanging fruit) —

Adansonia is a genus of deciduous trees known as baobabs. They are found in arid regions of Madagascar, mainland Africa, Arabia, and Australia. The generic name honours Michel Adanson, the French naturalist and explorer who described Adansonia digitata.
In the early 21st century, baobabs in southern Africa began to die off rapidly from a cause yet to be determined. Scientists believe it is unlikely that disease or pests were able to kill many trees so rapidly, while some estimated that the die-off was a result of dehydration from global warming. (wikipedia)

• • •

Lots of personal best times will be achieved today. I could feel it as I soared through the first half of the puzzle. Thought for sure I was gonna come close to my own personal best time, certainly a personal best for the time I've been keeping track of times (since April), but then ... fate intervened. And by "fate" I mean "my dumb mistakes." Let's start with BAOBAB, which was my first foray into the east (where the wheels came off). Had the BA- and correctly guessed BAOBA- and then incorrectly guessed O. BAOBAO. Got POPPYCOCK just fine, so woo hoo, here we go! But oh my things got so bad because of my having the -BY in 21D: Pair that clicked in film. My brain: "--BY = BABY, try a "B" at 21A!" And what was 21A? [Flinch, e.g.]. And what did brain do: "Uh ... BLINK! Sure, that's ... yeah, BLINK!" So I went looking for BABY something for the "pair that clicked in film." Just death. I also couldn't get CAPE to save my life (43A: Ranch alternative). That's a kind of ... house? Ugh. We call them CAPE Cods, I think? I don't really know. Anyway, I should've gotten TIME MACHINE w/ literally no crosses, so no idea what happened there (10D: Fantastic means of travel). Had the -CH- and thought maybe some kind of CHAIR was involved. I told you the wheels came off! Found DJS very hard (52D: Plays at work?). No idea the dinosaur was named ARLO. Try very very hard not to think about the current administration, despite the puzzle's best efforts to force the issue, so honestly PENCE never occurred to me. How is he a "shadow president"? He doesn't do jack. He's an ungodly stuffed animal. Ugh, why am I even talking about this answer—WS loves this administration for reasons I'll never get, so a perfectly good word like PENCE gets this monstrous/dumb clue. Whatever—the main point is ... well, there are two main points. One is, one small mistake can totally destroy your solving time. And two is, this puzzle was delightful, even when I was flailing in the east, and despite the undead slug that is Mike PENCE lurking in the corner.

Five things:

53D: Meas. for a steno (WPM) — Saw "Meas.," had -PM, wrote in RPM. Good to read all of the clue.
43D: Ark unit (CUBIT)— you know that feeling when you know a word but you cannot retrieve the word? That. I had -BIT and was like "Oh, right ... AMBIT! No ... ugh, it's not ORBIT! What Is IT?"
46A: Fine dining no-no (SLURP)— what is "fine dining"? Seriously. Also, people SLURP wherever. This clue assumes a weird class-based dining situation from like the last century ... remember how "fine dining" used to be like big tables and French terms and maitre d's and snootiness? This is a sitcom / movie phenomenon that I've noticed. "Fine dining" in older tv / movies looks stuffy and terrible and is phenomenally class-aspirational. Anyway, there are "fine" ramen places where people SLURP the f*** out of their food, is what I'm saying. I SLURP my coffee for sure sometimes. SLURPing helps you taste. It's a ... surface area thing, I think. That's my slurping theory, at any rate, and I'm slupring to it. Speaking of fine dining ...

[17A: "The job's not great, but I can pay my bills"]

7D: Man's nickname that sounds like two letters of the alphabet (ABIE) — are we pretending this is an actual nickname. This is crosswordese. You can find it in the play "ABIE's Irish Rose" and the "Hair" song "ABIE Baby" and nowhere else. Isn't ABE already the nickname? Why is your "nickname" longer!?
54A: John, abroad (EVAN) — I see this clue a lot and always hate it. It's meant to make you think "bathroom," but then the answer is like EVAN or IAN or I don't care. Actually, I had no idea EVAN was John "abroad." We have EVAN here. The writer/editor of the Washington Post Sunday crossword (frequently superior to the NYT, btw) is an EVAN. Where is EVAN"John"? Wales? Pffft. So many EVANs in the world, why are you doing this clue?

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Constructor: Luke Vaughn

Relative difficulty: Medium (felt easier, but there are some patches ...)

THEME:"No Duh!"— so ... phrases with "the" have "no *the*" in them, creating ... honestly, calling these "wacky" seems generous, but OK ... wacky phrases, which are wackily clued:

Theme answers:

BEHIND SCENES (36A: Reason for an R rating?) (does mere naked rear end really earn an R?)
BEYOND PALE (6D: Really, really needing some sun?)
WELL-OFF MARK (45A: Cuban or Zuckerberg?)
SEAL DEAL (16D: Buy one circus animal, get one circus animal free?)
OUT OF BLUE (69A: Needing certain ink for a color printer?)
POP QUESTION (90A: Impetus behind a paternity test?)
SPARE ROD (85D: Something up for grabs on a fishing boat?)
SKIRT ISSUE (77D: Installment of a women's clothing catalog?)
AGAINST GRAIN (97A: On a paleo diet, say?)

Word of the Day: LARISSA (115A: Capital of Thessaly) —

Larissa (Greek: Λάρισα [ˈlarisa]) is the capital and largest city of the Thessaly region, the fourth-most populous in Greece according to the population results of municipal units of 2011 census and capital of the Larissa regional unit. It is a principal agricultural centre and a national transport hub, linked by road and rail with the port of Volos, the cities of Thessaloniki and Athens. Larissa, within its municipality, has 162,591 inhabitants, while the regional unit of Larissa reached a population of 284,325 (in 2011).^[1] The urban area of the city, although mostly contained within the Larissa municipality, also includes the communities of Giannouli, Platykampos, Nikaia, Terpsithea and several other suburban settlements, bringing the wider urban area population of the city to about 174,012 inhabitants and extends over an area of 572.3 km² (221.0 sq mi).
Legend has it that Achilles was born here. Hippocrates, the "Father of Medicine", died here. Today, Larissa is an important commercial, agricultural and industrial centre of Greece. (wikipedia)

• • •

What hell? You just take out a central THE? And ... it's not even central every time, just penultimate, and ... then you want me to believe that "duh" rhymes with "THE," and then ... since the whole concept is so manifestly thin and yields very little in the way of real humor or entertainment, you want to ... really cram the grid with themers. Crossing Acrosses and Downs, whoosh and whee and what not? IESTerday ... love was such an iesy game to play ... now I (definitely) need a place to hide awaie. Good news is: if your big thing is Incredibly Obscure World Capitals (Including Regional Capitals, Dear Lord), then this is your puzzle. Or at least part of it is your puzzle. Namely the BISSAU part and the LARISSA part. BISSAU, LOL. I was like "What?" and then I was like "[West African capital]? Why not just say the country name??!" And Then ... I looked up the country. Any guess? Oh shut up, you don't know it unless you actively train for trivia contests / game shows and have memorized all world capitals. Anyway, BISSAU is the capital of [drum roll] Guinea-BISSAU, a country I am just now learning exists. I mean, cool, it's real, why not know it, I guess, but then you wanna go and throw LARISSA at me? What on god's green?! That was my last word in the grid, and it contains the very rarely seen Double Natick*.

I am not kidding when I say that I guessed at not one but two letters in LARISSA. I have no idea what a RUE is, in plant terms. I feel like it's in some "Hamlet" quote, but ... yikes. But the real Naticky cross here is with AVESTA. What Is AVESTA? I've been solving going on 30 years and .... ???????!?!?!?!?!?! And it crosses LARISSA? Everyone, from the constructor, to the editors (plural) to the proofreaders to the janitor should've flagged that crossing *immediately* as Bad. Unthinkably bad. And then taking RUE into plant (?!) territory, to boot? (116D: Medicinal plant) Bizarre. And for many solvers, absolutely harrowing. I guessed both crosses correctly, based solely on experience, but, again, yikes. See you later, puzzle. I've had enoughFOVEA nonsense! (is that how you pronounce that? I've Never Seen That Word Either ... 🎶IESTerday🎶 ...).

[SEAL DEAL]

I suppose LARI-SA / AVE-TA is a guessable cross. I mean, I guessed it. But you have to understand that no solver wants to have a cross where they're not sure how or if either answer makes sense. This is why Obscure Proper Nouns Should Not Cross, especially when neither is a recognizable / common name. Like, you could clue BRIAN via some barely-known rock climber or something, but if I get BRIAN, at least I can go "Oh, BRIAN, that is a name I have seen that humans sometimes have, cool." With AVESTA ... you cannot do that.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

*Natick = blind crossing, usually of two not-well-known proper nouns (see sidebar for more details)

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Hello! Happy almost New Year! It's Clare again, switching it up this month by doing the last Monday of the month instead of the least Tuesday. Hope everyone is having a happy holiday season. I'm spending my break chilling at home spending endless amounts of time doing jigsaw puzzles and sleeping, while still recovering from all that studying for finals!

Constructor: Brian Thomas

Relative difficulty: Pretty easy

THEME: Another name for O3 (as appropriate to 17-, 25-, 44- and 55-Across?)— The theme answers were all phrases that have three O's in a row.

Theme answers:

IM TOO OLD FOR THIS (17A: "You young people go ahead!")
HAVE NO OOMPH (25A: Lack in energy)
BOO OFF STAGE (44A: Force to exit, as a performer)
ITS A ZOO OUT THERE (58A: Traffic reporter's comment)

Word of the Day: ST ELMO (16D: Patron of sailors)—

Saint Erasmus of Formia, also known as Saint Elmo, was a Christiansaint and martyr, who died c. 303. He is venerated as the patron saint of Sailors and abdominal pain. St Erasmus or Elmo is also one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers, saintly figures of Christian tradition who were venerated especially as intercessors… St. Elmo's fire is a weather phenomenon in which luminous plasma is created by a coronal discharge from a sharp or pointed object in a strong electric field in the atmosphere (such as those generated by thunderstorms or created by a volcanic eruption). The phenomenon sometimes appeared on ships at sea during thunderstorms and was regarded by sailors with religious awe for its glowing ball of light, accounting for the name.Sailors may have considered St. Elmo's fire as a good omen (as a sign of the presence of their patron saint). (Wikipedia)

• • •

Overall, I thought the puzzle was good. It had some fun theme answers, with parts like OOMPH (25A) and ITS A ZOO (58A). I jumped around the puzzle some and, after getting the first theme answer, knew right away the theme was three O's, which helped me get some answers. I also liked the longer answers; they gave the puzzle a slightly odd shape, though, and there were a lot of crossword-y fill words as a result, like LOL, OMG, ERR, EMO, ERS, IPA, IDO... (I could go on). It seemed like the rest of the puzzle might have suffered some as a result of the constructor trying to make the theme work. I was also not a fan of SISI (51D: Enthusiastic assent in Mexico) and HIHO (11D: Cheery greeting) (this sounds like it would have been at home in 18th century London! — HI HO, cheerio).

I got a bit slowed down by 39A: "Don't leave this spot" because I wanted to make "stay here" work instead of WAIT HERE. I also paused for a bit at 61A because I thought it definitely would have to be stegosaurus and not STEGOSAUR. I googled it afterward, and, while the dictionary definitions do refer to stegosaur, I felt slightly vindicated by my belief, because Google did ask me, "Did you mean Stegosaurus?"

I had no idea what SINN was (54A: __ Fein (Irish Political Party)) but didn't even see it until after I finished the puzzle, because the downs there were quite easy. I've also never seen Ahmed (2D: Man's name related to the name of Islam's founder) in a puzzle before, so that might be slightly odd, especially for a Monday puzzle. LEAF, GENE, and LOPE elicited a chuckle from me. I also don't know why, but I really love the word TOE RAG and the expression GEE WHIZ.

Misc.:

I knew that it was EUGENE O'Neill Theater because I got to see "Book of Mormon" there (which was hilarious and fantastic).
6D as ALLEGE— You would not believe how much we use this word in law school.
Definitely because of the movie "Frozen," I originally tried to put Olaf instead of OLAV at 18D.
This is off-topic, but what kind of sound does a poodle actually make? I imagine poodles as more dainty, and ARF doesn't quite fit. I think of poodles as yipping or something.

Signed, Clare Carroll, a relaxed 1L

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Gary Cee

Relative difficulty: Easy to Easy-Medium (3:14)

THEME: PASSABLE (61A: Barely adequate ... or what the starts of 17-, 26-, 37- and 50-Across are)— first words of aforementioned themers can all fit into familiar phrases following the pattern "pass the ___":

Theme answers:

HAT TRICK (17A: Three goals in a single game)
TORCH SONG (26A: Its lyrics tell of unrequited love)
TIME SIGNATURE (37A: Music staff notation)
BUCK TEETH (50A: Reason to get braces)

Word of the Day: Hammond INNES (39D: Hammond ___, writer of "The Wreck of the Mary Deare) —

Ralph Hammond Innes, CBE (15 July 1913 – 10 June 1998) was a British novelist who wrote over 30 novels, as well as children's and travel books.
Innes was born in Horsham, Sussex, and educated at Cranbrook School in Kent. He left in 1931 to work as a journalist, initially with the Financial Times (at the time called the Financial News). The Doppelganger, his first novel, was published in 1937. In WWII he served in the Royal Artillery, eventually rising to the rank of Major. During the war, a number of his books were published, including Wreckers Must Breathe (1940), The Trojan Horse (1941) and Attack Alarm (1941), the last of which was based on his experiences as an anti-aircraft gunner during the Battle of Britain at RAF Kenley. After being demobilized in 1946, he worked full-time as a writer, achieving a number of early successes. His novels are notable for a fine attention to accurate detail in descriptions of places, such as in Air Bridge (1951), set partially at RAF Gatow, RAF Membury after its closure and RAF Wunstorf during the Berlin Airlift.
Innes went on to produce books in a regular sequence, with six months of travel and research followed by six months of writing. Many of his works featured events at sea. His output decreased in the 1960s, but was still substantial. He became interested in ecological themes. He continued writing until just before his death. His last novel was Delta Connection (1996). (wikipedia)

• • •

OK look there is no reason for BEANER to be here. No one who follows baseball even calls it that, anyway (it's a "bean ball"), and, especially for anyone who grew up on the west coast, BEANER is an out-and-out pejorative (against Mexicans and Mexican-Americans). I get it if you, personally, didn't know that, or don't care, or aren't offended, or whatever, but here's the thing: this is not a tricky corner. BEANER is not *needed* to hold things together. And since you couldn't say it's exactly *good* fill, I don't understand how you don't just fix the corner. You know you're going to offend some people with the fill you've got, the puzzle is not worsened by the fix, ergo, Fix It. It's ... it's very, very simple. Here's the very brief Twitter exchange I *just* had on this issue:

[nice dig at the NYT's stupid two-tiered pay scale, Chris]

[Also, get it? AMEN? 'Cause if that were 1-Across, we wouldn't be having this conversation?]

Now I'm going to ask you to do something I've never asked you to do (hell, it's something *I* never do unless someone really insists): read another crossword blog. Specifically, xwordinfo. Y'all who think I just don't like WS or have it in for him or whatever other nonsense, you need to see what happens when Jeff Chen, a very friendly, very loyal NYT crossword critic, the writer of a blog that is pretty much a second house blog (along with "Wordplay"), a writer who oh by the way is also a person of color, tries to suggest to the editor that maybe, possibly, he might consider changing 2-Down from BEANER to annnnnything else. Please read Jeff's comments on this puzzle now. In full. I'll wait. . . [wavy lines, time passes] . . . Done? OK. If you're not going to read his comments, here's the most relevant part:

"Will and I had a dialogue over BEANER; an offensive term slung at people from Mexico. I wondered if it might be a West Coast / East Coast thing, so I alerted Will about this. He thought about it but decided that since there is a valid dictionary definition, people would have to just ignore the secondary meaning."

That "since there is a valid dictionary meaning" defense allows him to avoid dealing with so much. Soooo much. I hope you can see how frustrating it is for so many people of good will to try to get the editor to make decent decisions. That is as close as you are ever going to see Jeff Chen come to giving Shortz the middle finger. Over 2/3 of his write-up is dedicated to this asinine and racist editorial decision. Look: there is no excuse for BEANER. It's not even a good baseball term. And AMEN gets you MEANER and NET ... which is objectively better even before considering the racial slur angle. It's so hard to understand the mindset of someone who gets good advice and just shrugs it off, especially when that advice is aimed at avoiding giving offense to people of color. I would love to be using this space to talk about the more puzzley aspects of this puzzle: its workmanlike but totally serviceable "first-words"-type theme, its occasionally interesting but highly uneven fill quality (SAREE? I'm SAREE, no). But here we are with a completely gratuitous BEANER in the 2-D slot, and the only reason it's here is because the editor is (A) negligent, (B) incompetent, (C) deliberately cruel, or (D) so completely egotistical that he doubles down on even his dumbest decisions. My wish for the new year is that solvers start demanding better editing. More thoughtful editing. More inclusive editing. I'm not going to get the regime change I think the NYT Crossword needs and deserves, but if voices besides mine were getting in his and the NYT's ear more, maybe things would be slightly better. Maybe. This BEANER thing ... right in the teeth of good, considered, friendly advice ... I don't know, you guys. It's mind-blowing. Also, exhausting.

Here's hoping 2019 is full of much better puzzles. By all kinds of people. For all kinds of people.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

PS I had a great wrong answer: faced with TOR-HS-NG at 26A: Its lyrics tell of unrequited love, my sincere first reaction was TORAH SONG. I really should know my Bible better.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Jacob Stulberg

Relative difficulty: Medium (4:15) (I have this feeling it might play slightly harder for folks, on average—lots of, let's say, unusual fill)

THEME: forks!— clues are [___ fork], where blank is something culinary; answer then proceeds Across until it literally forks, with one possible answer definition of the blank continuing on Across, and another going off at a 45-degree angle (on a path indicated by circled squares):

Theme answers:

SHARK / SHAD (16A: *Fish fork)
MARGARITA / MARTINI (17A: *Cocktail fork)
GREEK / GREEN (38A: *Salad fork)
CHERRY PIE / CHEESECAKE (59A: *Dessert fork)
PEACH / PEAR (62A: *Fruit fork)

Word of the Day: OSCAR II (23A: Last ruler of the United Kingdoms of Sweden and Norway) —

Oscar II (Oscar Fredrik; 21 January 1829 – 8 December 1907) was King of Sweden from 1872 until his death, and the last Bernadotte King of Norway from 1872 until his dethronement in 1905.
Oscar was king during a time when Sweden was undergoing a period of industrialization and rapid technological progress. His reign also saw the gradual decline of the Union of Sweden and Norway, which culminated in its dissolution in 1905. He was subsequently succeeded as King of Norway by his grandnephew Prince Carl of Denmark under the regnal name Haakon VII, and as King of Sweden by his eldest son, Gustaf V.
Harald V, the present king of Norway, is a great-grandson of Oscar II, through his third son Prince Carl, Duke of Västergötland. (wikipedia)

• • •

I've seen this forking theme before! Actually, I haven't—not executed this way, at any rate. I just wanted to sound like I was trying to swear in "The Good Place." At first it was hard to understand what the fork was going on, but the circled letters taking off at weird angles eventually made it easy to piece together, and once you get the theme, it actually helps a ton. I used it a lot to get those diagonal circled squares. I really like the way the theme keeps all the forking in the realm of forks, i.e. in the culinary realm. I've never heard of a "fruit fork," but it appears to be a thing, as are all the other forks. That is, they exist as tined implements in the real world, which gives the overall theme a very nice coherence. Silverware in the clues, divided paths in the answers. And the answers go off all kind of ways, from the brief diversions of SHA/D and PEA/R to the skyrocketing CHE/ESECAKE. Themewise, I thought this was great.

Fill-wise, it wasn't bad as much as it was odd. Lots of longer answers that had me going "whaaa?" I know LEAN-TOs, but LEAN-TO TENT? (3D: Makeshift shelter) They come in tent form??? BEEEATERS (27D: Relatives of kingfishers) looked so wrong because of those sequential Es. I've heard of the bird, but barely, and the E-string made me think I had an error. OSCARII was a huge "?" to me. Started with the initial "O" and thought it must be OLAF (or OLAV) somebody. TSARDOM is a real word but an uncommon one (I had TSARIST but knew it had to be wrong because it was an adj. not a noun, as the clue clearly required). And then there's DOGBERT. Ugh. That comic. Not sure how I remembered DOGBERT existed, but I did. Difficulty of fill offset whatever help I was getting from knowing the theme, and my time ended up being pretty solidly average for a Wednesday.

Do y'all know what PISMO Beach is? I know it well—it's on the central Californian coast, and I went there many times with my parents when I was a kid. But it doesn't strike me as a nationally known place. I think PISMO is like the west coast's version of TRURO (a place name that baffled me the first time I encountered it). I would not be surprised if many solvers hadn't heard of it, especially east-coasters. Hardest answers for me today, beyond the weird longer answers I mentioned above, were CREASED (24D: Like envelope flaps) and CCTV (53D: Security guard's viewing, for short). For the former ... how are the flaps CREASED??? That implies, to me, that the flap *has* a crease, not that a crease was formed to make it. Pants are CREASED. If your envelope flap were itself CREASED, it would be hard to seal properly. As for what a security guard is viewing, in four letters, after PORN didn't work, I was out of ideas. I know CCTV (closed-circuit television) now that I see it, but apparently not before I see it.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. Shortz eventually apologized for yesterday's BEANER debacle. It's hard to believe an apology could actually make things worse, but Here We Are. Note: if you have to apologize, Just Apologize—don't do ... this:

[Sorry If You Were Offended™]

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Timothy Polin

Relative difficulty: Medium to Medium-Challenging (5:59)

THEME: WALL — east and west halves of grid are completely separated by line of black squares. Three different answers jump the wall at the word WALL, so that the black square wall actually represents the word "WALL":

Theme answers:

DESKTOP (WALL) PAPER (19A: With 20-Across, pattern in back of a window)
"WOLF OF (WALL) STREET" (35A: With 37-Across, hit Leonardo DiCaprio film, with "The")
STONE(WALL) JACKSON (50A: With 52-Across, commander at the First Battle of Bull Run)

Word of the Day: ICE-NINE (17A: Crystallizing substance in Kurt Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle")—

Ice-nine is a fictional material that appears in Kurt Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle. Ice-nine is described as a polymorph of water which instead of melting at 0 °C (32 °F), melts at 45.8 °C (114.4 °F). When ice-nine comes into contact with liquid water below 45.8 °C, it acts as a seed crystal and causes the solidification of the entire body of water, which quickly crystallizes as more ice-nine. As people are mostly water, ice-nine kills nearly instantly when ingested or brought into contact with soft tissues exposed to the bloodstream, such as the eyes or tongue. (wikipedia)

• • •

LOL building a wall (!) two days after putting a racial slur against Mexicans in the puzzle. You NYT guys are on Fire!

So ... yup, it's a wall. So what? I've seen walls in puzzles before—grids with apparently completely segmented parts that end up being connected somehow. I wanted this one to do something, to have some meaning, some coherence, I don't know ... anything. But it's just a WALL. A senseless wall. Well at least we didn't throw a ton of money at it or creating child internment camps along it. I guess that's a plus.

This played alternative easy and hard for me. Very hard to start (in the NW), as I haven't read Vonnegut since high school and LECARRÉ was very hidden by his "?" clue (15A: Author known for the intelligence of his writing?), and DEEP does not mean [Not easily understood] in my world ("profound" is not the same as "confusing" or "recondite" or "unclear") and DESKTOP (WALL)PAPER was by far the hardest of the three themers to get, and it starts in the NW. Also [Chasséd] meant nothing to me (GLIDED). So that corner was fun. Could not remember the DiCaprio movie at all for a bit, even after having W-L-O- in place. But after that answer fell, things sped up considerably (largely because I understood the theme). Eastern part of the grid was much easier, though again the top part proved thorny, as the clue on HASIDIM wasn't much help (and HASIDIM's an odd plural anyway), and I had YUM for 14D: "Scrumptious!" and AXMAN is a guitar player to me, not an actual guy with an actual ax(e). Oh and DEGREASE was not clear to me at all, either (12D: Prepare, as hides for tanning). Finished with a couple of wrong squares because I somehow wrote in ENTENTE instead of DETENTE at 60A: Reduction of tension and just forgot to check the crosses.

When my puzzle wasn't accepted, I thought for sure my error was at the PUP / PEN crossing, which I did not understand at all. Note: kind of a dick move to cross two "?" clues. Anyway, PUP seemed unimpeachable (38D: Lightweight boxer?). A boxer PUP would indeed be comparatively lightweight. Got it. But the clue on PEN made no sense to me at all (45A: Boardom?). I kept going through the different meanings of PEN that I know, and none of them had anything to do with "board" that I could see. Eventually, I realized that it was the world of boars, not boards, that the clue was interested in. And somehow boar-dom are all ... in ... PENs? There are all kinds of boars all over the world, and why would I think that a clue referencing the entire boar world would lead me just to some stupid enclosure on some stupid farm? Constructors/editors should not fall in love with your own "?" cleverness. Those clues have to land perfectly or they are Not worth it.

See you tomorrow!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Neil Padrick Wilson

Relative difficulty: Medium to Medium-Challenging (skewed pretty easy until I hit the upper NE) (6:03)

THEME: none

Word of the Day: BAR SINISTER (11D: Heraldic charge indicating supposed illegitimate birth) —

In heraldry, a bend is a band or strap running from the upper dexter (the bearer's right side and the viewer's left) corner of the shield to the lower sinister (the bearer's left side, and the viewer's right). Authorities differ as to how much of the field it should cover, ranging from one-fifth (if shown between other charges) up to one-third (if charged alone). The supposed rule that a bend should occupy a maximum of one-third of the field appears to exclude the possibility of three bends being shown together, but contrary examples exist. Outside heraldry, the term "bend (or bar) sinister" is sometimes used to imply illegitimacy, though it is almost never true that a bend sinister has this significance, and a "bar sinister" cannot, by its nature, exist. [...] The usual bend is occasionally called a bend dexter when it needs to contrast with the bend sinister, which runs in the other direction, like a sash worn diagonally from the left shoulder (Latin sinistermeans left). The bend sinister and its diminutives such as the baton sinister are rare as an independent motif; they occur more often as marks of distinction. The term "bar sinister" is an erroneous term when used in this context, since the "bar" in heraldry refers to a horizontal line. [...] Sir Walter Scott is credited with inventing the phrase bar sinister, which has become a metonymic term for bastardy. Heraldry scholar Arthur Charles Fox-Davies and others state that the phrase derives from a misspelling of barre, the French term for bend. Despite its not being a real heraldic symbol (a bar cannot actually be either dexter or sinister since it is horizontal), bar sinister has become a standard euphemism for illegitimate birth. (wikipedia) (my emph. / my emph.)

• • •

Also:

In heraldry, a charge is any emblem or device occupying the field of an escutcheon(shield). (wikipedia)

I had to look up the answer *and* the clue phrase on that one. Yikes. This puzzle was pretty easy until the NE, where that top 3x5 section very nearly did me in. I don't really know SABRA, in that ... I have only ever seen it in crosswords, and even now, before looking it up, can't tell you with confidence what one is. I think it's something Israeli, but ??? Hang on ... Aha!

A Sabra (Hebrew: צבר‬, tzabar) is a Jew born on Israeli territory. (wikipedia)

So, you know, ballpark! But vague awareness of the term didn't help. At all. For a while I had just -A-R- and zero idea how anyone could make any "native" out of that. Also, typically, was not sure if "Mideast" meant Middle East or, like, middle part of the eastern seaboard of the U.S. Is that a thing? Looks like yeah, kinda. Here's an example:

Anyway, almost zero hope up there with SABRA. And something even closer to zero hope with SFC—oy, military classifications. So crosswordesey. Keeping them straight is like keeping all the UK military awards straight. DSO? OBE? RAF? ISAY? Even with -FC I thought maybe PFC (which, yes, is a thing: Private First Class). SFC is Sergeant First Class. Somehow I was able to guess the "B" after getting -ARSINISTER (Simon Bar Sinister ... is that someone??? Yes! He was a mad scientist on "Underdog," one of my favorite cartoons as a child!)

Guessing the "B" made me remember SABRA was a thing so I tried the "S" and boom, done! But man did lose a lot of time up there. Didn't help that it took me longer than it should've to get both ARIA (13D: It might have a cadenza ... I think I guessed SOFA at one point) and CORGI (18A: Literally, "dwarf dog" ... I wanted something like SIRIUS ... some constellation or something). Ironically, I've been listening to a lot of ARIAs lately, as I have developed a low-grade opera enthusiasm. I know nothing about opera, so it's all new and interesting to me. Do you all know this new opera podcast, "ARIA Code"? It's wonderful. I'm knee-deep in "La Traviata" because of it. Where was I? Oh right, I tanked the NE big time. The rest, mostly easy.

The longer answers in the SW were much friendlier and (to my mind) much nicer than their NE counterparts. I MEAN, REALLY! = divine. Most of the rest of this is fine. Lots of colloquial sass. I probably lost many seconds out of pure defiance when I, for the life of me, couldn't remember "Twilight." I could see the book cover. I could see the actors. But my brain just wouldn't click onto the dang title. Kept coming back to it, and it kept not coming back to me. "TWIHARD," ugh (22A: Avid fan of a Stephenie Meyer young adult series). Where are the TWIHARDs now? Those books weren't good (well, the one I bothered reading). I still can't believe that was a phenomenon. It really died ... hard. My only other sticking point came when I had -O--L for 50D: Texter's "too funny"and guessed LOLOL. Do people still do ROTFL? ROFL? Feels dated for some reason. I'm much more likely to write LOLOL despite the fact that the letters don't really mean anything once you get past the LOL part. I just think of the extra OL as an intensifier. You can add as many as you need. Did you know I was the first person to put XOXO in a daily NYT crossword. It's true. I had no idea, but then I saw the stats and was like "Dang! Look at me, putting such tenderness out into the crossword databases of the world!" Very on-brand.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. there's a Slate piece that came out yesterday about Tuesday's whole 2D/racial slur controversy. Not much in the way of new or surprising info, but it's a decent summation of the issues involved.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Andrew Zhou

Relative difficulty: Challenging (I got annoyed and kind of bored and walked away at one point, so my time's pretty inflated) (10:34)

THEME: none

Word of the Day: XERISCAPING (28A: Design of park land requiring minimal water) —

Xeriscaping is the process of landscaping or gardening that reduces or eliminates the need for supplemental water from irrigation. It is promoted in regions that do not have accessible, plentiful, or reliable supplies of fresh water, and is gaining acceptance in other regions as access to irrigation water is becoming limited. Xeriscaping may be an alternative to various types of traditional gardening. (wikipedia)

• • •

Didn't find any of this very enjoyable. Nowhere near my wheelhouse, and full of weirdness like TROOP as a verb and M-RATING ("rated M for Mature" is the phrase from ads—M-RATING just looks wrong). SYSTEM ERROR, I.T. TEAM, ADSITE ... it's all pretty boring to me, and despite SIMONE BILES plastered right across the middle, and the not-at-all-helpfully-clued "I AM WOMAN" in the NE (16A: 1972 hit with the lyric "You can bend but never break me"), it felt very boy-y. XERISCAPING is a cool enough word but apparently I am just now learning how to spell it—I swear I thought it was ZEROSCAPING, as in "we use zero water on our landscaping." Most of the puzzle was either techy or technical, with pleasure or joy or cleverness coming only rarely. Loved SHACKED UP, for instance. But SYNFUELS? (32D: Petroleum substitutes) Again, didn't know that was a thing. Had BIOFUELS. Also not interesting. Oh, I like "I CAN SEE THAT!" even though it took me a while to get, though not as long as TRAIN MASTER (19D: To whom a conductor reports). I had the MASTER and was still like "????" I thought something like "stationmaster" or "depotmaster," thinking it would be an equivalent of "harbormaster." But no. It's just TRAINMASTER ... which sounds like some model train enthusiast's twitter handle / secret identity.

Got started, after much flailing, in the SW, of all places, where I was just throwing anything at the wall to see if it would stick, and finally some of it did. ARF and ESTE (crosswordese to the rescue!) then, tentatively, HOSERS, confirmed by a couple of crosses including HER (49D: "Death Becomes ___" (Meryl Streep film)). From there I got the whole bottom portion, but then, nothing. Just couldn't get back up over the middle. Even with MASTER and THAT and eventually BREAD in place at the ends of all those longer central Downs. Why is GARLIC BREAD a [Pasta dinner staple] my god how many floury carbs can you eat in one meal? Bread as a lead-in to pasta sounds insane. I'm not denying it's common, it just seems wrong. What also seems wrong: the word ROUE. ROUÉ? roo-AY? I despise this word, largely because no one actually uses it because if you did, people would go "what?" at you. And it's French and I get it confused with ROUX, which is a thickening agent, I think. It's also antiquated and stylized and ick. Totally valid word, but I just have viscerally negative responses to some words and this is one of them. No idea who ANIL is. Had ICE SHORE and ICE SHELF before ICE SHEET. Found the clues on ALARMS and LAW entirely beyond me. I mean, I get them now. But I had A-AR-S for a bit and honestly didn't know where I was gonna go. I also got very confused earlier on the EMT clue (29D: Pre-hosp. childbirth aide, often). "Pre-hosp." was the confusing part. I thought it meant "before there were such things as hospitals," so I was looking for something olde-tymey, like, say, ETHER. So, yeah, EMT was a surprise.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Zhouqin Burnikel

Relative difficulty: Easy (8:36)

THEME:"Breaking News"— theme answers are meant to be taken as self-referential, with each successive themer representing a letter in the phrase "Dear John," thus making those letters DEAR JOHN LETTERS (117A: Things used for dumping ... or a literal hint to the answers to the starred clues?):

Theme answers:

HOLLYWOOD ENDING (22A: *Stereotypical movie outcome) ("ending" of "Hollywood" is a "D")
EYE-OPENER (34A: *Startling disclosure) ("opener" of "eye" is an "E")
ARCTIC FRONT (46A: *Bringer of cold weather) ("front" of "arctic" is an "A")
RINGLEADER (53A: *Law enforcement target) ("leader" of "ring" is an "R")
JUMP START (69A: *Battery boost) ("start" of "jump" is a "J")
STOLE THIRD (87A: *Moved closer to home?) ("third" letter in "stole" is an "O")
REHAB CENTER (89A: *Help for users) ("center" of "rehab" is an "H")
ANY SECOND (99A: *Very soon) ("second" setter of "any" is an "N")

Word of the Day: Nobu (73A: Fish dish that Nobu restaurants are noted for = BLACK COD) —

Nobuyuki "Nobu" Matsuhisa (松久信幸 Matsuhisa Nobuyuki; born March 10, 1949) is a Japanese celebrity chef and restaurateur known for his fusion cuisine blending traditional Japanese dishes with Peruvian ingredients. His signature dish is black cod in miso. He has restaurants bearing his name in several countries. (wikipedia)

• • •

Hello! It's the first Sunday after New Year's Day and that means it's time for my annual pitch for financial contributions to the blog, during which I ask regular readers to consider what the blog is worth to them on an annual basis and give accordingly. As you know, I write this blog every. Single. Day. OK, two days a month I pay young people to write it, but every other day, all me. OK sometimes I take vacations and generous friends of mine sit in, but otherwise, I'm a non-stop blogging machine. Seriously, it's a lot of work. It's at least as much work as my day job, and unlike my day job, the hours *kinda* suck—I typically solve and write between 10pm and midnight, or in the early hours of the morning, so that the blog can be up and ready for you to read with your breakfast or on the train or in a forest or wherever it is you enjoy the internet. I have no major expenses, just my time. As I've said before, I have no interest in "monetizing" the blog in any way beyond simply asking for money once a year. I hate ads in real life, so why would I subject you all to them. I actually considered redesigning the site earlier this year, making it slicker or fancier somehow. I even got the process partly underway, but then when I let slip that I was considering it, feedback was brisk and clear: don't change. Turns out people don't really want whistles and bells. Just the plain, internet-retro style of a blogger blog. So that's what you're getting. No amount of technical tinkering is gonna change the blog, which is essentially just my voice. My ridiculous opinionated voice yelling at you, cheerfully and angrily, about how much I love / hate crosswords. I hope that this site has made you laugh or taught you things or given you a feeling of shared joy, or anger, or failure, or even given you someone to yell at. I'm fine with that. I also hope I've introduced some of you to the Wider World of Crosswords, beyond the NYT. I am passionate about puzzles and I (mostly) adore the people who solve them—so many of my friends, and the thousands of you I've never met. I can't stop, and I won't stop, and I hope you find that effort worth supporting.

Some people refuse to pay for what they can get for free. Others just don't have money to spare. All are welcome to read the blog—the site will always be open and free. But if you are able to express your appreciation monetarily, here are two options. First, a Paypal button (which you can also find in the blog sidebar):
Second, a mailing address:

Rex Parker c/o Michael Sharp
54 Matthews St
Binghamton, NY 13905

All Paypal contributions will be gratefully acknowledged by email. All snail mail contributions (I. Love. Snail mail!) will be gratefully acknowledged with hand-written postcards. This year's cards are illustrations from "Alice in Wonderland"—all kinds of illustrations from throughout the book's publication history. Who will get the coveted, crosswordesey "EATME!" card!? Someone, I'm sure. You, I hope. Please note: I don't keep a "mailing list" and don't share my contributor info with anyone. And if you give by snail mail and (for some reason) don't want a thank-you card, just say NO CARD. As ever, I'm so grateful for your readership and support.

Now on to the puzzle!

• • •

Hello! I have had a Rusty Nail, and I feel prrrretty good. Just one though. Don't blog drunk, I mostly say! Solving on one drink seems to be a recipe (wink!) for success, though, because I Lit This Puzzle Up. 8:36 is among my top five Sunday solves of the past year. I think that sometimes there's this thing that happens when I'm solving quickly ... oh yeah, it's called frustration ... that can kind of get in my head and make things worse. With one drink, that "frustration" factor seems to disappear, and not giving a bleeeeeep seems to help me lock in and fly. Alcohol can be quite terrible—devastating, even—but for some people [waves] in small quantities it can really act as a destressing agent in oddly productive ways. As always, your mileage may vary! The main thing to say about this puzzle is I finished quickly, I had no awful wincing moments, annnnnd I had no idea what the theme was all about when I was all through. It took me almost half as long again to figure out the theme as it did to solve the damn puzzle in the first place. So maybe one drink is not helpful for ALL aspects of puzzle-solving. Anyway, once I did finally "get""it," I thought it was really clever. Obviously I've seen the self-referential answer-is-indicating-a-letter thing before, but not in this way, and the revealer, with its play on "letters," really works. Neat and satisfying in ways that Sunday puzzles often aren't. And hey, our first female constructor of the new year; and for the fourth time in the past six years, that constructor is C.C.! (the name Zhouqin Burnikel actually goes by, as I understand it). Nice work, C.C.!

What were the potential problem areas? Well, right off the bat, you've got EL MISTI (1A: 19,000+- foot Peruvian volcano) crossing MOLESKINE (3D: Big name in notebooks), which might cause some people to have this feeling:

[a "Natick" is an unguessable crossing of two answers, usually proper nouns; see sidebar for more info]

I have a lot of notebooks and I enjoy notebooks so MOLESKINE is very familiar to me (even if I did think it was spelled MOLESKIN and didn't understand why it wouldn't fit). But EL MISTI, hoo boy, I know that *only* because of crosswords, and even then needed almost every cross to get it. So it is very much imaginable to me that someone could get very, irrevocably stuck at EL -ISTI / -OLESKINE. In fact, I saw on Twitter that someone had, which is the main reason for my remarking on this cross at all. Sometimes, it helps to see things through others' eyes. I'm not mad at this cross, but I can see how one might be.

I watched "Doctor Zhivago" at least once and totally forgot that (olde-tyme crossword favorite) Lara's husband was PASHA. That answer crossing "AW, GEE!" was a minor mess for a bit. CUREL is a brand that is lost in the mists of time, for me, so I needed every cross there. I have never been to a Nobu restaurant and know nothing about their specialty so BLACK COD was new to me. I wrote in JAMES at first for JIM LOVELL (82D: Apollo 13 commander). I don't believe any human has ever been referred to as a DO-ALL. "DO ALL y'all know the name of a good DO-ALL?""Do we!?" End scene. Anyone else have INASECOND at first instead of ANYSECOND? Yeah you did. I know you did. One of you did. You, over there, in the t-shirt. You. You did.

Man, Peru's getting a lot of action today. First EL MISTI, then JORGE Chávez International Airport (69D), neither of which I knew. I clearly have to work on my Peruvian knowledge. After, uh, PERU, and LIMA, and maybe ANDES (?), or LLAMA (???), I'm out. I like learning new things from crosswords, even if I immediately forget most of them. The answers I enjoyed seeing today were PORCINI (28D: Pricey mushroom) and CUP O' JOE (81A: Morning fix, slangily). I like both of them, though usually not together. Thank you to all those who read this far. See you tomorrow!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

P.S.

[72A: "___ makes men wiser and clear-sighted": Vladimir Putin (CHESS)]

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Andrew Kingsley

Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging (for a Monday) (3:26)

THEME: double vowel progression, For Some Reason ... ?— left side of grid has answers that start PAT PET PIT POT PUT and right side has NAT NET NIT NOT NUT; I have no idea why; my friend Brian notes that there's also BET BOT BAT at the starts of 3/4 of the longer (8+) Downs, but ... that's probably just bizarre coincidence?

Theme answers:

PAT RILEY (17A: Five-time N.B.A. championship-winning coach with the Lakers and the Heat) / NATGEO (19A: Cable channel with many science shows, familiarly)
PET CAT (24A: Garfield, to Jon Arbuckle) / NET WORTH (27A: Notable statistic for Jeff bezos or Bill Gates)
PIT BOSS (37A: Casino floor V.I.P.) / NITPICK (40A: Make tiny criticisms)
POTHOLES (51A: Road hazards that need filling) / NOT YET (54A: "Be patient!")
PUT OUT (60A: Peeved) / NUT BREAD (62A: Dessert loaf)

Word of the Day: RUGER (11D: America's largest firearm manufacturer) —

Sturm, Ruger & Co., Inc., better known by the shortened name Ruger, is an American firearmmanufacturing company based in Southport, Connecticut with production facilities also in Newport, New Hampshire; Mayodan, North Carolina and Prescott, Arizona. The company was founded in 1949 by Alexander McCormick Sturm and William B. Ruger and has been publicly traded since 1969.
Ruger produces bolt-action, semi-automatic, and single-shot rifles, shotguns, semi-automatic pistols, and single- and double-action revolvers. According to the ATF statistics for 2015, Ruger is currently America's largest firearm manufacturer, as well as the second largest pistol/revolver manufacturer (behind Smith & Wesson) and rifle manufacturer (behind Remington) in the United States. (wikipedia)

• • •

Hello! It's the first full week after New Year's Day and that means it's time for my annual pitch for financial contributions to the blog, during which I ask regular readers to consider what the blog is worth to them on an annual basis and give accordingly. As you know, I write this blog every. Single. Day. OK, two days a month I pay young people to write it, but every other day, all me. OK sometimes I take vacations and generous friends of mine sit in, but otherwise, I'm a non-stop blogging machine. Seriously, it's a lot of work. It's at least as much work as my day job, and unlike my day job, the hours *kinda* suck—I typically solve and write between 10pm and midnight, or in the early hours of the morning, so that the blog can be up and ready for you to read with your breakfast or on the train or in a forest or wherever it is you enjoy the internet. I have no major expenses, just my time. As I've said before, I have no interest in "monetizing" the blog in any way beyond simply asking for money once a year. I hate ads in real life, so why would I subject you all to them. I actually considered redesigning the site earlier this year, making it slicker or fancier somehow. I even got the process partly underway, but then when I let slip that I was considering it, feedback was brisk and clear: don't change. Turns out people don't really want whistles and bells. Just the plain, internet-retro style of a blogger blog. So that's what you're getting. No amount of technical tinkering is gonna change the blog, which is essentially just my voice. My ridiculous opinionated voice yelling at you, cheerfully and angrily, about how much I love / hate crosswords. I hope that this site has made you laugh or taught you things or given you a feeling of shared joy, or anger, or failure, or even given you someone to yell at. I'm fine with that. I also hope I've introduced some of you to the Wider World of Crosswords, beyond the NYT. I am passionate about puzzles and I (mostly) adore the people who solve them—so many of my friends, and the thousands of you I've never met. I can't stop, and I won't stop, and I hope you find that effort worth supporting.

Some people refuse to pay for what they can get for free. Others just don't have money to spare. All are welcome to read the blog—the site will always be open and free. But if you are able to express your appreciation monetarily, here are two options. First, a Paypal button (which you can also find in the blog sidebar):
Second, a mailing address:

Rex Parker c/o Michael Sharp
54 Matthews St
Binghamton, NY 13905

• • •

Well, this puzzle was surprising on many levels. First, I have apparently never heard of [America's largest firearm manufacturer] and an alleged Yankee "legend" (47D: Yankees legend ___ Howard = ELSTON). The former ... well, you probably can guess how I feel about seeing firearms manufacturers in my grid, and how I feel about firearms manufacturers in general. The latter is historically a very interesting figure (first African-American player on the Yankees roster; 1963 AL MVP), but if I've ever seen his name, I forgot it, and "legend" seems a stretch. I know Yankees fans think all their players are "legends," but ... I'm guessing a bajillion solvers, including New Yorkers, will not have heard of ELSTON before. Not knocking him as a player, mind you—he's very crossworthy—but it's very strange to see him on a Monday, in a grid already packed with marginal names (lookin' at you, OSRIC!) (4D: Duel overseer in "Hamlet"). So aside from my ignorance of firearms manufacturers and mid-century Yankees not named, like, MARIS, we have this completely bizarre theme. The grid is groaning under the weight of ten themers (10!), but why P-T / N-T??? I have no idea. It's a stunt with no clear purpose, and it results in a grid that's something close to joyless. Putting so many themers in, and having them be relatively short, means that none have marquee status and all are (mostly) pretty boring. This puzzle is trying to do way too much, and so ends up doing everything poorly. I thought people had learned to stop doing these construction-stunt puzzles. Just 'cause you *can* do two vowel progressions in the same puzzle doesn't mean you should. I've seen regular vowel progression puzzles that worked well, where the answers themselves were original and interesting. I think I made one once. Yes, I did. Anyway, it's not the most exciting genre, but it damn sure doesn't get more exciting when doubled.

That NE corner was just a killer (for a Monday). With RUGER (?) and THOTH (also kind of a ?) (13D: Egyptian god usually pictured with the head of an ibis) and NATGEO (a channel I rarely think of—"science" really threw me off, as I was imagining beakers, not cheetahs) ... with all those in one little place, I was really flailing. Finding out that the corner sucked because of the intense theme pressures (and that NATGEO was itself a themer) was really disappointing. Who the heck is JIMMY DEAN? I know him as the sausage guy, but ... is it the same guy? "Big Bad John"? I know oldies pretty well, so again, this puzzle is baffling me with its excavation of gunky trivia corners. "Big Bad Leroy Brown" is my jam. No idea what "Big Bad John" is. By the way, it's this:

Between the joyless theme and the crosswordese (EL ROPO!) (66A: Cheap cigar, slangily), there was no pleasure here. And Mondays are usually uniquely pleasurable, among the themed puzzles of the week. Very rough. Also "Uncle!" means "I GIVE" or some such. "ENOUGH!" is something you say to kids who won't stop fighting. NUT BREAD is a category of ... bread? I feel like the theme dragged all kinds of gunk into this grid. All the focus on the stunt, none on the solving experience. Mondays should be fun!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Freddie Cheng

Relative difficulty: Medium (though for me it was more Medium-Challenging) (for a Tuesday) (3:50)

THEME: ABSTRACT ART (61A: What may be created using the answers to the six starred clues?)— I guess they are phrases that might also, taken another way, be elements in a hypothetical abstract painting ... because they're just colored shapes and not necessarily pictorial ...

Theme answers:

BLANK CANVAS (17A: *Starting point, metaphorically)
BLACK BOX (26A: *Important part of a plane)
TANLINE (40A: *A swimsuit might leave one)
GOLD RING (51A: *Powerful object in "The Hobbit")
GRAY AREAS (3D: *Ill-defined situations)
RED SQUARE (36D: *Moscow landmark)

Word of the Day: NENA (25D: "99 Luftballons" singer) —

Nena (pronounced [ˈneːna]; born Gabriele Susanne Kerner, 24 March 1960) is a German singer-songwriter, actress, and comedian who rose to international fame in 1983 with the Neue Deutsche Welle song "99 Luftballons". In 1984, she re-recorded this song in English as "99 Red Balloons". Nena was also the name of the band with whom she released the song. The re-recording of some of her old songs rekindled her career in 2002 and she has sold over 25 million records, making her one of Germany's most successful music artists. (wikipedia)

• • •

"Red Square" (1915) by Kazimir Malevich

I didn't enjoy this much, though I recognize there is at least a clever idea underneath it all. Also, I think the puzzle could really use a BLUE STREAK? For real, though, two things put me off—one is that the puzzle seems mildly derisive of its subject, as if ABSTRACT ART were merely a random conglomeration of different-colored shapes; the other is that the grid is (once again, second day in a row) just *crammed* with theme material, not because it's necessary, but because it's ... just ... more. This is a variation on the stunt puzzle, where the constructor gets super-enamored with a construction feat and (often) loses sight of whether the feat is worth it, from a pleasurable puzzle-solving perspective. Or even from a logical perspective. And the main problem with choking the grid with theme material is that the non-theme material suffers. Today's holds up OK, I guess, but there's an awful lot of crosswordese, and none of the non-theme stuff is very interesting. TEST CASE and TEARTAPE are the only points of interest, and they aren't that interesting (the latter actually messed me up badly, as I didn't really know the term and, having TEAR, wrote in TEAR LINE ... even though TANLINE was already in the grid ... again, I didn't know TEARTAPE had a name). OLA DEO IRE ONO *and* ENO NENA EDNA EROS etc. It's roughish. I kinda like the concept, or at least I like the thought of the concept, but the execution didn't result in an enjoyable puzzle, for me.

Some super-irritating things: ELISA ... if you don't have anyone famous for your name, don't use. The clue 24D: Form of Elizabeth = ??? It's also dull. Further, KOOK ... what the hell is up with the clue (18D: Loony)? Is "loony" supposed to be a noun? Because KOOK is a noun and LOON is a noun, and KOOKY is an adj., and so is LOONY, dammit. I could not accept KOOK, which slowed me down. Also I wrote in 'ALO instead of OLA :( (6D: Portuguese greeting). Had trouble getting into the SW because I knew the powerful object in "The Hobbit" was a RING ... but the GOLD part wasn't as intuitive. The thing that really killed me, though, is that I came at the revealer weird, from the back end, so I was certain that the revealer clue [What may be created...] was looking for some kind of TART. Somehow the asterisked answers were going to be the ingredients of a TART. And since noooothing in the revealer clue was specific to ABSTRACT ART, *and* since I had TEARTAPE as TEARLINE ... things got ugly down there in TREO land (I mean, TREO, come on (58A: Old Palm smartphone) ... the fill in this thing... Last time I saw TREO in a grid, the NAVI were in theaters.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. Re: 60A: The adjectival phrase "Low-I.Q." is a Trumpism. Also, I.Q. is an outmoded, widely criticized concept. It's used in race science, racistly. DIM is a simple adjective with lots and lots and lots of potential clues. First the racist slur, then the Putin quote, and now this favorite term of the president* ... editing has taken a weird, bitter turn this year.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Trenton Charlson

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium (3:56)

THEME: TMI — as in "Too Many 'I's!" ("I" is the only vowel in the grid)

Theme answers:

all of them?

Word of the Day: Otto FRISCH (41D: Otto who worked on the Manhattan Project) —

Otto Robert Frisch FRS (1 October 1904 – 22 September 1979) was an Austrianphysicist who worked on nuclear physics. With Lise Meitner he advanced the first theoretical explanation of nuclear fission (coining the term) and first experimentally detected the fission by-products. Later, with his collaborator Rudolf Peierls he designed the first theoretical mechanism for the detonation of an atomic bomb in 1940. (wikipedia)

• • •

Man, 2019 is trying my patience (emphasis on "man"—2019 constructor count to date: 8 men, 1 woman). We had a nice puzzle on Sunday, and then theme-overload, theme-overload, and now this bizarre stunt puzzle that no one could possibly have been asking for. I'm fairly sure this has been done before, with most if not all the vowels. But here we are doing it with "I"— For Some Reason. I finished the puzzle and thought it was choppy and odd and kind of bland, but had no idea what the theme was. Then I saw a looooooooong string of "I"s running on a diagonal through the middle of the grid, and thought the diagonal "I" thing was the thing, but it's not even *that* interesting. It's just ... "I"s. Look at the diagonals in the middle of that grid. 11 "I"s (!) alongside 7 "N"s and 6 "G"s (OK one of those "G"s is a "K," but same diff). I wasn't CRINGING while solving this, but I'm CRINGING now. There's no reason for this puzzle to exist. There are no interesting answers. There is no interesting effect. There's no title or revealer or nothin'. The most "original" thing in this grid is a name I have never seen in my life, the most difficult thing in the puzzle by far. Everything else was easy. And fairly dull. And, just ... so many -INGs.

Really wish there were more to say, but there is decidedly not. Well, maybe five things.

Five things:

11A: Bit of bunny slope gear (MINISKI)— what is this? Is it "mini"'cause it's for babies? Dictionary says "a short ski used by beginners or skibobbers." And no, I am not going to look up "skibobbers." I'm just going to imagine they are bobby-soxers on skis. Yes. That works.

49D: Toyota hybrids, jocularly (PRII) — No. This is no longer jocular. Though "jocularly" *is* making me laugh
37A: With 38-Across, cocktail with lemon or lime (GIN / SLING) — at this point, I though there was some weird black square = ampersand theme and the answer here was GIN [and] TONIC
35D: Russian pancake (BLIN)— wow, this looks remarkably dumb in the singular
16A: Finalize, as comic art (INK IN)— er ... I mean ... not really. INK is the right answer. The inker finalizes the art. It goes penciller, inker, colorist ... candlestickmaker ... Speaker of the House ... gamma delta ... the Professor and Mary Ann.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Constructor: Jeff Slutzky and Derek Bowman

Relative difficulty: Easy to Easy-Medium (the latter for me, but I solved very ploddingly, with sleep in my eyes, so...) (AH ... wait, it's oversized? OK, then def Easy) (5:10)

THEME: TOR! AH ... (68A: Sacred text ... or your reaction upon figuring out this puzzle's theme?) — "TOR" is added to familiar phrases, creating wacky phrases, clued wackily:

Theme answers:

CAPTOR IN HAND (21A: Kidnapper who gets arrested?)
BEAT THE RAPTOR (29A: Win a one-on-one game against a Toronto hoops player?)
"KEEP IT, REALTOR!" (45A: "I don't want this house after all"?)
CANTOR OF CORN (55A: Synagogue singer with hokey humor?)

Word of the Day: SANDRA Oh (10D: Oh, what an actress!) —

Sandra Miju Oh (born July 20, 1971) is a Canadian actress. She is known for her role as Cristina Yang on the ABC medical drama series Grey's Anatomy, set in the United States, which she played from 2005 to 2014. For her role, she earned a Golden Globe Award, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, and five nominations for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series. She also had a supporting role on the HBO drama series Arliss. In 2018, Oh began starring as Eve Polastri in BBC America's murder-mystery series Killing Eve; for her performance, she became the first actress of Asian descent to be nominated for the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series and won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress – Television Series Drama, becoming the first Asian woman to win two Golden Globes. (wikipedia)

• • •

Let me start with the sorry-to-be-annoying bad news, which is that the revealer is just wrong. It's a very nice thought, a nice try, an interesting way to try to repurpose TORAH, but when you discover something or have a revelation, you either say OHO or AHA, orrrrrrrrr (and this is the crucial part) the "AH" comes first. It does. It just does. Always.

I supposed you can contrive a scenario where the solver says the the three-letter string out loud first and then settles back in her chair and goes "Ah," but that's, well, contrived. It's always "Ah, [thing you discovered / remembered / are surprised by." So the revealer, while amusing in its aspirational wackiness, just doesn't land. I'd sooner by "TOR! AHA!" than "TOR, AH." That said, the themers are amusing enough, and the grid is pretty clean, so solving this was definitely not an unpleasant experience. I just think revealers should work. Perfectly. Actually, the more you ham it up, the more plausible "TOR! AH!" starts to seem. You have to really exclaim them and draw them out. Like, the revelation is so startling that the letter string comes before the Actual Exclamation. Defensible, maybe. Still, not right to my ear.

All of the difficulty was in parsing the themers, which first involved figuring out what the theme was. I had to drop down to BEAT THE RAPTOR before getting it (had BEAT in place, read the clue, knew a Toronto hoops player was a RAPTOR, and just shoved RAPTOR on the tail end of the answer, and then reasoned the middle of the answer from there). Parsing nonsense phrases can add considerable time to your solve, even after you know what the deal is with the theme. Because ... well, nonsense is not something your solving brain toggles to easily, and the longer then nonsense, the harder it is to parse it, understand its syntax, etc. For me the hardest answer by far was "KEEP IT, REALTOR," largely because there's nothing in the clue to suggest that the phrase is meant to be said With The Interlocutor's Name In It, i.e., there is no indicator of "realtor" in the clue. None. I could easily be saying "I don't want this house after all" to my wife or self anyone, really. So even knowing that TOR had to go in there, even having TOR wedged at the end of the answer, without the "L" (from the toughly clued LARYNX—47D: Need to speak) or the "R" (from the "I did not know that"BARONESS—40D: Margaret Thatcher, e.g., in her later years), the only word my brain could see was REACTOR. The fact that there is an implied comma in the answer made things nuts. But most of the rest of this grid was pretty straightforward 4- and 5-letter stuff, so no problem. Best thing about this puzzle for me was the cheeky (and timely) clue on SANDRA Oh (10D: Oh, what an actress!) (she co-hosted the Golden Globes just a few days ago).

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Constructor: Jim Horne and Jeff Chen

Relative difficulty: Easy (untimed—solved on paper, on my clipboard, early in the morning, in front of my Christmas tree, which, yes, it's still up, I love it)

THEME: none

Word of the Day: P-FUNK (34A: Music style associated with George Clinton, informally) —

P-Funk (also spelled P Funk or P. Funk) refers to the repertoire, musical style, and/or group of performers associated with George Clinton. The term is variously known as an abbreviation of Parliament-Funkadelic, Psychedelic Funk, Pure Funk, or Plainfield Funk.
The P-Funk groups had their heyday in the 1970s and continue to attract new fans thanks both to the legacy of samples they bequeathed to hip hop and the live shows that the bands continue to perform. Their music was very aspirational, which is symbolized by their Mothership that has since been acquired by the Smithsonian. Notable P-Funk albums include Funkadelic's Maggot Brain and Parliament's Mothership Connection. The differing styles of these albums showcase the wide range of P-Funk's music. "Maggot Brain was an explosive record" of Jimi Hendrix inspired rock while Mothership Connection was an "album of science-fiction funk." While this rock/funk differentiation is what normally separated Funkadelic from Parliament, the bands consisted of many of the same members and performed live on tour together. Hence, the two groups are often described under the one moniker Parliament-Funkadelic.
P-Funk recordings have been 'extensively' sampled in rap and hip-hop music, especially by Dr. Dre and other West Coast acts, beginning in the late 1980s and being particularly associated with the G-funk style of rap. (wikipedia)

• • •

Well I have no idea how easy this was officially, since I solved on paper, nowhere near a timer, and wasn't trying to go particularly fast, but I didn't encounter any real sticking points. I had a few wrong turns, but I was able to find the correct path again without too much trouble. The grid felt very smooth and the cluing almost rudimentary—I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean this would be a Great day for someone who had never conquered a late-week puzzle before to try it out. There's nothing in the grid I hadn't heard of, nothing that seems particularly uncommon or strange, no bizarre names. I mean, when P-FUNK is the bizarrest name you've got in your grid, you are on very safe ground (note: P-FUNK is nowhere near bizarre). I took one look at the grid, instinctively went to the short Downs at the top, got the first three I looked at (CAPO, ALES, TOT), and shot out of that section from there (I say "shot," but it maybe wasn't so triumphant—I wrote in OP-ED PIECES for 16A: Slanted writing (OP-ED COLUMN), then all my progress stopped, which let me know, quickly, that PIECES was wrong; pulled it, worked the Downs, and off we went again...). I thought this was a clean, crisp, groan-free experience. I had some trouble with QUENCHED (as clued), and CLOT (as clued), and I wrote in "PURPLE RAIN" instead of "PURPLE HAZE" at 11D: #2 on Rolling Stone's "100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time," so if there was any difficult area, it was in the east. But HAZE to RAIN wasn't terrible hard—again, as with OP-ED PIECES, things ground to a halt quickly, so I knew I had something wrong quickly. Finished up down south, with my final Wrong Guess for the Tail End of and Answer: NESTEA instead of NESTLE (43D: Company that makes Coffee-mate).

[DISTANT (24A)]

Five things:

34A: Music style associated with George Clinton, informally (P-FUNK) — TIL (Today I Learned) that P-FUNK is a style, not just a band. I knew it only as short for Parliament Funkadelic.

36A: Put on (LADE)— I have a frowny face next to this. It's a totally acceptable word, I just ... something about it. Do you ever just have an aversion to certain words, no good reason. I only ever see LADE in crosswords (since I don't hang out at the docks much), so something about my never seeing it IRL and its being very susceptible to deceptive cluing (as here) makes it irksome to me.
55A: Character in "All's Well That Ends Well" and "A Midsummer Night's Dream" (APOSTROPHE)— it's not that I haven't seen this type of clue before, I definitely have, but I still thought this was cute. I was probably pre-inclined to like it since I could pretty much tell the answer was APOSTROPHE (from crosses) before I ever saw the clue, so the clue itself functioned as the aha moment, not the answer. Fun.
57A: Viking king of note (OLAV)— note: there is no way to keep all the OLAVs and OLAFs in the world straight. But if it's four letters and seems Scandinavian and you get an O or L or A or F/V in any of the right places, just go with it.
55D: Product of Fender (AMP) — me, with the "A" in place, having just gone through the Jimi Hendrix / Prince confusion in the NE: "AXE! ... wait, what's a XARSLANDER? ... sounds like someone who follows OLAV ..."

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld (Twitter @rexparker / #NYTXW)

P.S. Hey, Jeff Chen (co-constructor of today's puzzle) has a book out next week! Congrats to him. It's a middle-grade book (grades 3-7) called Ultraball, and appears to be the first in a series. It's a scifi, post-apocalyptic sports story. School Library Journal says "Fart jokes and cheesy banter makes this well suited for a middle school audience.” Read more about it (and Pre-Order It) here.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

Philosophical argument for belief in God / SUN 12-23-18 / Arabic name that sounds like polite affirmative / Lee singer with 2011 #1 album Mission Bell / Alcorn creator of Pong / Modern prefix with tag

Taboo alternative to beef / MON 12-24-18 / Dry region covering most of Botswana / Alternative to YouTube

Film buff's channel in brief / TUE 12-25-18 / Range for yodelers / Deteriorated or started out like Santa on December 24 / Supporters of England's King William III

Greek-born New Age musician / WED 12-26-18 / 1950s Project Blue Book subject for short / Opening of classic Langston Hughes poem

Song sung by Elvis in "Blue Hawaii" / THU 12-27-18 / Brooklyn attraction / Rival of Cassio / Former Yankees manager Joe

Host Bert of old games shows / FRI 12-28-18 / 1997 Notorious BIG hit whose title lyric precedes strictly for weather / Car that went defunct in 1936 / County east of Devon / Instrument whose name comes from Latin for heavenly / 12 points typographically

African tree with hanging fruit / SAT 12-29-18 / Natchez Delta Queen for two / Counterpart to Roman god Sol

Zoroastrianism's sacred text / SUN 12-30-18 / Mesopotamian mother goddess / Stealth bomber familiarly / 2003 Economoics Nobelist Robert / Hybrid tourney style

Cry of triumph / MON 12-31-2018 / Quarry / Spirited horse / Make a goof

First victim of sibling rivalry / TUE 1-1-19 / League that used red white blue ball for short / Hammond writer of Wreck of Mary Deare / Famous collie of radio tv film

Last ruler of United Kingdoms of Sweden Norway / WED 1-2-19 / Monk known as father of English history / 1980s-90s NFL great Lonnie / Vice president who became ambassador to Japan / Well in old Rome

Boardom / THU 1-3-19 / Best selling erotic novelist Leigh / Followers of Baal Shem Tov / Crystallizing substance in Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle

Literally dwarf dog / FRI 1-4-19 / Small mammals that secrete musk used in perfumes / Heraldic charge indicating supposed illegitimate birth / Certain mideast native / Avid fan of Stephenie Meyer young adult series / Serengeti stampeders

Gymnast who won all-around gold in Rio / 1972 hit with lyric you can bend but never break me / Lord Byron notably in his personal life

Fish dish that Nobu restaurants are noted for / SUN 1-6-19 / 19000 foot Peruvian volcano / Increasingly outmoded circus roles / Bird with blood-red eyes / Things used for dumping / Sea whose wikipedia article is written in the past tense

Duel overseer in Hamlet / MON 1-7-19 / Cheap cigar slangily / Singer with 1961 hit Big Bad John / Bygone monthly for 12-20 set / Egyptian god usually pictured with head of ibis

Old Palm smartphone / TUE 1-8-19 / Cozy accommodations for traveler informally / Opening strip on package

Aperitif with black currant liqueur / WED 1-9-19 / Toyota hybrids jocularly / Otto who worked in Manhattan project

Synagogue singer with hokey humor / THU 1-10-19 / Japanese box meal / Oklahoma's Air Force Base

Rapidly cooled as metal / FRI 1-11-19 / Music style associated with George Clinton informally / Creature with 17-month gestation period / Pioneer in hydrostatics / Viking king of note