Strawberry Fields benefactor / WED 4-22-15 / Cockatoo topper / No. 5 producer / Kyrgyzstan city / Hangout in Barry Manilow hit / Big part of Easter Island sculpture / Website with Write Review button

Constructor: Alex Vratsanos and Sam Ezersky

Relative difficulty: Medium (time: mid-4s)


THEME: PAIRS OF CARDS (56A: Some poker holdings … or a hint to 20-, 24-, 30-, 41- and 52-Across) — theme answers are two-word phrases where both words can precede "CARD" in a common phrase:

Theme answers:

• CREDIT REPORT (20A: Equifax offering)
• HOLE PUNCH (24A: Three-ring binder user's gadget)
• NAME CALLING (30A: Some childish insults)
• TRADING POST (41A: Place to deal in fur, once)
• HIGH SCORE (52A: Arcade achievement)

Word of the Day: TOPE (29A: Bend an elbow) —

verb

archaicliterary

1. drink alcohol to excess, especially on a regular basis. (wikipedia)

So TOPE is "archaic literary"? But, but, but crosswords made me think it was "contemporary normal." Next you'll be telling me no one says AGAPE or AGAZE or AREEL or any of the classic A-words any more. If that's the so-called Real World, you can have it. I'll TOPE til I'm AREEL, thanks very much.

PAIRS OF CARDS—I feel like we need to have a talk about Revealer Aptness (RA). I keep saying this phrase out loud—PAIRS OF CARDS—and it keeps not sounding like a phrase. It's not a poker phrase. Not a stand-alone phrase, anyway. Its colloquial value is null. This is hugely disappointing, as the theme answers themselves are *tight*, which they almost neh-ehhhhhhver are in this type of puzzle (the Both-Words-Can-Precede (BWCP) type). Most BWCP puzzles leave you with at least a few improbable linkings. Two words that don't really make a Phrase, but that can, in the right (dim) light, pass for a phrase. But this set of themers doesn't have that problem at all. They are legit. All of 'em, legit. Not a wobbler in the bunch. But then comes the big finale, the big reveal, the coup de grace etc., and it's ... PAIRS OF CARDS? Again, I keep saying it. I've said it twenty times now. It does describe what the theme is, but as a revealer phrase, it's simply not worthy of this fine theme concept. It is undeniably true, on a literal level, that PAIRS OF CARDS are [Some poker holdings]. A lawyer could argue that successfully. But you don't want to have to lawyer your revealer. Your revealer should, like a fool, Represent Itself … or better yet, smartly settle out of court because its case is so ****ing good. I'm not so much mad at this puzzle as I am SAD AT this puzzle. PAIRS OF CARDS sends the whole house of cards falling to the ICE-FREE floor. [Why say the floor is ICE FREE, you ask? What's that got to do with anything? Well, along with PAIRS OF CARDS, ICE FREE was the only other answer in the grid where I just shook my head and SAID "NO."]


We've got some textbook Scrabble-****ing going on with the "J" and "X"—high-value Scrabble tiles shoved into little corners in a way that makes for harmful surrounding fill—but the TOPE and UNPEGS aren't terrible prices to pay. Grid gives us lots of vivid 6s and 7s, which are crucial to maintaining a lively themed grid (that is, crucial to having liveliness be a feature that extends beyond the theme itself). I sat IN IDLE for a while before I realized I was really sitting IN A RUT (apt). I  whiffed on my first pass through the whole NW quadrant, largely because I somehow completely missed the Manilow clue (2D: Hangout in a Barry Manilow hit). 7-letter gimme and my eyes drove right past it. Sorry, Barry. PANNED 8A: Gave the thumbs-down before I SAID "NO" to it. Finished in the TOILET. [Yes, I think I'll stop right there]

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld