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Word of the Day:"ROUNDERS" (131-Across) —

Rounders is a 1998 American drama film about the underground world of high-stakes poker, directed by John Dahl and starring Matt Damon and Edward Norton. The story follows two friends who need to win at high-stakes poker to quickly pay off a large debt. The term rounder refers to a person traveling around from city to city seeking high-stakes card games.

Rounders opened to mixed reviews and was moderately successful at the box office. Following the poker boom in the early 2000s, the film became a cult hit. (wikipedia)

Hey, hey, you know what? You know what I'd do if I wanted to play poker? Well, first, I'd ask myself "self, are you feeling OK? You haaaaaaaaate poker and that whole early-'00s TV poker culture gambling casino dudes ugh you ****ing hate it, are you OK?" but once I'd established that I was indeed OK and that I just wanted to play some poker, you know what, you know what I'd do? Well I'll tell you what I would not do, and that is, solve a crossword. This thing may indeed be an architectural marvel of the first order, I have no idea, and I have no idea because the Only reason I solved this puzzle At All was because, well, it's my job. I have to. I have never, ever not wanted to *start* a puzzle. Even when I see a byline that makes me go "well, this probably isn't going to be for me," I also think, "hey, you never know, today might surprise you!" But today, the Puzzle Notes alone would've made me shut my computer and walk away. And sure enough, the solving experience was as much of a tedious ordeal as I expected. Moreso. It took me like half an hour just to describe the puzzle (above) and *incompletely* type out all the card-related stuff. Pfffffff, wow. You'd have to Really like poker to like this one, I'd think. Again, on a technical level, I can't speak to "quality." The "quality" of the construction was entirely irrelevant to me, as the very topic, to say nothing of the process of working through it, was 100% of no interest to me. Non-theme answers appear to be a substantial part of this grid, but I don't remember any. I was too busy trying to figure out, completely against my will, how to play Texas Hold 'em. I thought the three cards in the very middle were the communal ones, but no, it's all five on the diagonal there. Once I figured that out, the rest was pretty easy. Four Across answers containing two "cards" each, those are the four "hands." And SMOKING JACKET wins. Congrats to SMOKING JACKET, a true hero, I hope he goes on to appear on ESPN6 some day.

Mostly this was a slog. That is, it was slow-going because I had to keep checking to see which rebus was working in which direction. It was complicated, but not complex, or particularly difficult. The hardest "card" for me By Far was the 2 of hearts, specifically HIGH-EARTH (!?!?!). Yeeesh. I didn't even know that was ... a thing (12D: Like a geocentric orbit in which the orbital period is more than 24 hours). Based on how long and highly specific the clue is, I'm guessing that is a thing only to the NERDIER among you (38A: More versed in esoterica, maybe). Not sure what else there is to comment on here. I had SLOVAK before SLAVIC, that was fun (80A: From Serbia or Croatia, say). Big geographical blind spot when it comes to central Europe. I remember during the Balkan crisis in the early '90s, my head just refused to take in all the names and places. Just ... wouldn't process it. But to be fair my brain wouldn't do much in the early '90s except wonder why I decided to go Michigan instead of Texas where it was warm and they had actually offered me funding (I eventually got a tuition waiver and stipend at Michigan, too, but not after ... let's just say, some heavy mental and emotional dues). So I remember CNN's Lynne Russell saying "Bosnia-Herzegovina" a lot, and not much else. Can you feel me not wanting to write about the actual puzzle today? Can you? DOEST thou feel it?! The kindest thing I can say today is that it seems like it took a lot of thought and work to make this. And I am simply not the audience this puzzle is looking for. I hope this puzzle finds its fans. Good day.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld 

P.S. if you're wondering what the hell you're supposed to enter in the "card" squares in order to preserve your streak on the app or whatever, it looks like the first word of the card value should work. When I hit "reveal all" in my software, that's what showed up (see posted grid). There's also this:

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