Constructor: Nancy Stark and Will Nediger
Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging (11:28)
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THEME: spooneristic phrases — four-word (or four-part) phrases where last two parts sound like the first two parts, but with the initial sounds reversed:
Theme answers:
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This was awful. Let's talk about why. I want to start with the title, which is atrocious on many levels. The first level is: it provides no help. None. Tells you nothing. The "wordplay" (a generous term for what's going on here) is not at all evident, so one is forced to take the words "Gets Low" literally, and perhaps go looking for something ... low? Lowered? Will something be lowered? Will we hear cows lowing? Is this a MOO rebus? Who can say? Worse (and this is the next level of bad), once you're done with the puzzle, or perhaps part way through the puzzle, you will realize that "Gets Low" is supposed to be a spoonerized "Let's Go," and you will be irate for many reasons, but above all you will be irate (if you have any sense) at the fact that the phrase is, in fact, "Ready, Set, Go," not (not) "Ready, Set ... Let's Go!" (!?!?!?!?!). The fact that you tried to get all cute in your title with a phrase that is not even a real phrase—terrible. A breach of contract. Please please hit your mark with the title. It's the bare minimum. You can have a boring title, but to have a stupidly confusing title based on wordplay that doesn't exist ... no. Not acceptable.
More: the spoonerized phrases are just ... random. There's no coherence here. Nothing holding it together. No oomph. Just nonsense phrases, which are made worse by not even being plausible nonsense. What is a "DIVA STORE"? Why oh why is there a "SO" in SO NERVOUS NO SERVICE. Is that ... am I supposed to imagine that is thinking / saying "I am SO NERVOUS that I will have NO SERVICE?!?" The "SO" is doing ... what here? Is it supposed to mean "Very"? The Entire Phrase Is Garbage. The fact that the themers are unfunny nonsense phrases also makes the puzzle hard, which ... let me tell you, bad is one thing, difficult-bad is so much worse. At least let me get through your badness quickly. I audibly yell-groaned in the middle of this one; that's how frustrating it was to solve it (this happened somewhere in the NE, where CHIEFDOM (!?!?!) was, and HOORAH (22A: "Yay!") was not HOORAY, and where [Name tag holders] were LANYARDS and not somethingsomethingCARDS, and where (my bad) I forgot the word ARANCINI (which is about the only thing interesting about today's puzzle), and where, finally, I had to endure a cutesy "?" clue for ... COMA!?!?! You really wanna give COMA the ELOPE treatment, i.e. the punny question-mark clue!? "Get it, [Time out?] ... it's funny! ... 'cause he's in a COMA!" Hilarious. Between the woofy theme and this clue and then the clue on ICU (5A: Place for an oxygen tent, for short), this puzzle was the Opposite of what I needed during this time of quarantine.
EUCHRE = [Cheat, informally]? "Informally"? Man, this was news to me. The "informally" is so so annoying because it kinda implies slang, which kinda implies it's a term people actually say, which EUCHRE (as a verb) ... is not. I am aware of the existence of the card game, but the verb ... no way. And holy moly TEAPOY!?!?! I put that "P" in and was like "er ... uh ... I ... I guess." And it was right! But I really wanted it to be TEABOY. I figure if a "highboy" can be a piece of furniture, so can a TEABOY. I struggled all over with this one, but not in a way that would be fun to recount. Biggest error was LONE next to DIAL instead of SOLE (8D: Exclusive) next to CALL (9D: Phone). That hurt. OVERLY for EVERSO also hurt a little (64D: Exceedingly). But very few things about this puzzle didn't hurt. I'm gonna stop now. What the world needs now is crosswords, fun crosswords. It's the only thing that there's just ... too little of. Peace and love to all of you in this terrible time.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]
Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging (11:28)
Theme answers:
- ALL HAIL HALL ALE (23A: Cheer for beer on campus?)
- BOO BLURRED BLUEBIRD (38A: Hoot at an out-of-focus nature photograph?)
- SO NERVOUS NO SERVICE (54A: Antsy feeling when one is out of cellphone range?)
- STEVEDORE DIVA STORE (78A: Where a demanding dockworker gets supplies?)
- DUTCH TOWN TOUCHDOWN (94A: Landing in Rotterdam?)
- B CHORD KEYBOARD (114A: Piano that plays only a certain three notes?)
1: a 3-legged ornamental stand2[influenced by tea] : a stand or table containing a tea chest or caddy and used for supporting a tea set also : TEA CADDY (merriam-webster)
• • •
More: the spoonerized phrases are just ... random. There's no coherence here. Nothing holding it together. No oomph. Just nonsense phrases, which are made worse by not even being plausible nonsense. What is a "DIVA STORE"? Why oh why is there a "SO" in SO NERVOUS NO SERVICE. Is that ... am I supposed to imagine that is thinking / saying "I am SO NERVOUS that I will have NO SERVICE?!?" The "SO" is doing ... what here? Is it supposed to mean "Very"? The Entire Phrase Is Garbage. The fact that the themers are unfunny nonsense phrases also makes the puzzle hard, which ... let me tell you, bad is one thing, difficult-bad is so much worse. At least let me get through your badness quickly. I audibly yell-groaned in the middle of this one; that's how frustrating it was to solve it (this happened somewhere in the NE, where CHIEFDOM (!?!?!) was, and HOORAH (22A: "Yay!") was not HOORAY, and where [Name tag holders] were LANYARDS and not somethingsomethingCARDS, and where (my bad) I forgot the word ARANCINI (which is about the only thing interesting about today's puzzle), and where, finally, I had to endure a cutesy "?" clue for ... COMA!?!?! You really wanna give COMA the ELOPE treatment, i.e. the punny question-mark clue!? "Get it, [Time out?] ... it's funny! ... 'cause he's in a COMA!" Hilarious. Between the woofy theme and this clue and then the clue on ICU (5A: Place for an oxygen tent, for short), this puzzle was the Opposite of what I needed during this time of quarantine.
EUCHRE = [Cheat, informally]? "Informally"? Man, this was news to me. The "informally" is so so annoying because it kinda implies slang, which kinda implies it's a term people actually say, which EUCHRE (as a verb) ... is not. I am aware of the existence of the card game, but the verb ... no way. And holy moly TEAPOY!?!?! I put that "P" in and was like "er ... uh ... I ... I guess." And it was right! But I really wanted it to be TEABOY. I figure if a "highboy" can be a piece of furniture, so can a TEABOY. I struggled all over with this one, but not in a way that would be fun to recount. Biggest error was LONE next to DIAL instead of SOLE (8D: Exclusive) next to CALL (9D: Phone). That hurt. OVERLY for EVERSO also hurt a little (64D: Exceedingly). But very few things about this puzzle didn't hurt. I'm gonna stop now. What the world needs now is crosswords, fun crosswords. It's the only thing that there's just ... too little of. Peace and love to all of you in this terrible time.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld
[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]